Friday, 7 April 2017

duty drama

It's been a hectic few months. Almost 8 months post graduation and I HATE MY JOB.
Okay maybe hate isn't the right word...it's not the job,it's the environment.

Things started off alright in my opinion, i thought everyone was nice and if they weren't, they stayed in their lanes and just did their jobs which is fine by me.Little did i know that there were several reasons why people were the way they were at work.office feuds,enemies etc actually exist and i only got to find out when it happened to me. 

From people literally wanting to be spoon fed to those actively throwing you under the bus  and making sure it runs you over and over again, it's all happened in the past months.

I'm not the biggest of people physically and i think from that some people might think it's alright to walk over me.a pretty good trick i guess if you wanna shock them one day but i'm not for that.
Have you ever thought you and a co-worker are cool,maybe even friends just to find out that they've been feeding bad info about you to other people,including your boss...literally destroying your whole character to the mentally weak and easily persuaded people of the world?!!

It happened and i was shocked for a whole week i guess because i never expected it from them and also thought i was actually doing them a favour,helping them out with their work.I realized something wasn't right when i tried to make conversation and all i got was the cold shoulder so i thought...okay....SUIT THY SELF.

Next think i knew the boss was giving a long speech about good mannerism.For some reason,i feel when someone comments on my upbringing....i feel a deep insult on behalf of the "women in my life" (see previous posts) who in my opinion did a good job raising me. That being said...i left that day with a hard lesson i'd never regret learning at the early stage in my career. the Only thing i regret is not telling my own side of the story. I was too shocked and angry to even utter a word. Did they forget to mention the part of events where they messed up? I guess they had a dementia-moment going on there when their actions ended in two lives lost. 

Friendship is something very important to me and if you can't be trusted in small matters that test our honesty and loyalty to each other....you aren't reliable in major issues. Maybe i'm too extreme but it's saved me thus far from greater disappointments.You'd think it ended there...well you're mistaken because next thing i'm hearing is one of the worst possible gossip you'd want going around your work place. " I'm a difficult person to work with." Like...did you not make your point when you ran off to the boss to tell partial truths,now you have to build up your shackalies (shack of lies) to live in?! 

In short..." Never hurry to offer help or advice to someone who didn't ask for it. Value yourself,your words and your thoughts."~ Omar Khayyam 

My one "good" trait is ignoring someone to the extend of them actually questioning their existence. I  start living in a world where you don't exist at all...you're lucky if they find fossils of you in my world..even the dinosaurs would have a better chance. 

Having to be professional is hard when you're pushed to the limit so I've learnt to stay away from situations that agitate me,people that don't like me...which works out pretty well because,who has time and energy to force relations...certainly not me. 

I'm still new at this work place thing..maybe it's not right how i deal with things....but so far,so good.

Final thoughts...not everyone is happy with your progress, basically the smile on your face every morning could be the one thing that just pisses them off...i don't see how there can be competition at a place like the hospital when we're all working towards the same mission but like i said...i'm new maybe i'm just not aware.

Share your thoughts....how do you deal with drama when you're on duty?






Thursday, 7 May 2015

What's in my bag?

First of all, happy belated birthday to me. I have an exam soon so i didn't do anything but i got presents...yeey!
As you all might have noticed, i'm overly confident behind my computer but wouldn't really attempt to be on camera one reason being that i think my face doesn't go with my voice (or something). Well, people are always surprised by what i say because they see my face and think "ooooo, sweet" or "eeewwwgggg nasty" then find out i'm not quite what they thought i was(hopefully not in a bad way). Whatever the case, i'm just saying, i'm not planning on making youtube videos anytime soon. The first and last video i made, i deleted after 3 days of excessive contemplation to delete or not delete.
Okay, let's get to it.90% of the bags i own are big bags, just because everything fits in really well plus i have books to carry almost all the time and all the doctoring stuff...depending on the block i'm doing.



1.The Bag : It's a good size, good quality, lasted me years but still usable. I got it at a good price from a store called Accessorize. I don't remember the price but you know, we only "Accessorize" on sale. I thought the python snake print would put me off but i actually like it.In my defense,we don't have to be boring doctors with boring looking bags. We all know big bags can be a nuisance when things get all messy in there so always make sure yours comes with a compartmentalizer( you know that thing that divides the bag into compartments/a mini bag inside the big bag,you get the point..haha)




2. The Books: I'm still a student, so i still carry books  to take lecture notes , a note pad to note down all the homework  i get...and don't get (they don't tell you everything, you kinda have to  give yourself extra homework as well), A pen to do all that with of course and to use at the bank (if i have any money  i.e.) i have a thing of not wanting to use bank pens or where ever i might need one. Mama always said, it's good to have your own pen. My super huge ipad uurrrgggghhh...it's become so heavy and i only carry it when i need to read school stuff in English( i don't study in English so sometimes reading in a language i actually grew up speaking makes things easier to understand). Also comes in handy when i make a list of ideas that pop into my head now and then. It basically serves the same purpose as my notepad but it's easier to write when i'm on a bus and it's jumping over potholes on the road, if you know what i mean.For those long boring bus rides with no ideas or thoughts to write, i always have a good book to read with me.

3.The lady things:
Okay, i wont get into details here.
  • Baby wipes and tissues-you need  them, believe me. I personally  use Johnson's(pampers are a bit too pricey) because i don't get any reactions from them and they are super soft. Why the big pack...because i'm not the only one who needs them and it lasts longer. Also, i don't like to think of being stuck without wipes, tissue paper in a very uncomfortable position. Using too much of toilet  paper esp rough/coarse isn't good for you but also, try to regulate the use of wet wipes as well.
  • The obvious women hygiene stuff...you might be someone's best pal that day. Always carry these around because accidents do happen.
  • Hand lotion and mini-perfume and a basic lip balm are a must. cracked hands and smelly pits are a no-no ladies. It happens but always have this emergency freshen-up kit. The wet wipes come in handy here too(see i told you). We don't all use make up, and if we do, not all the time but that's not an excuse to have cracked up lips or an oily/dry looking face...always try to look fresh. It'll makes you feel good.
  • Oral hygiene and other stuff. We can't forget that. Mints, gum...anything that gives you  nice breath.Mirror, cotton buds, Elastoplast,anti-septic.


 4.The Food:
 I always have snacks in my bag. Dried fruits, sweets,chocolate, sugars (they don't put enough sugar in my tea at the cafeteria), a bottle of water which i substitute for  some plain yogurt especially when i'm experiencing some tummy problems. The sweets are for energy, when you have no time to eat but plenty of work to do.
5.The Clothes:
 No, i don't carry my suitcase with me but we all have work gear.White coat..to scare my patients, Scrubs in case we have to stand and watch them operate, or when we practice-operate on chickens. This depends on what block we're having, sometimes a coat is enough.
Pumps/hospital shoes, cap, mask and that's it basically. Stethoscope? Nah, not all the time, it doesn't make one more of a doctor anyway.


 6.The meds: 
Paracetamol/ibuprofen, Buscopan,Teraflu, surgery threads(don't ask, i dunno why i carry these). Yes, i'm a walking pharmacy and no i don't score this from the hospital( that's illegal). I buy them because when water and plain yogurt doesn't work, i always have them handy. 
7.The accessories: 

  • Glasses and Sunglasses. Two words....blind mouse.
  • Purse/wallet, yep that's where all my riches are( you know my many bank cards that don't work anymore,student discount cards,University student pass, Student bus pass).
That's pretty much it. Now you see why i have such a big bag. I carry all these stuff, all week. 


Monday, 30 March 2015

Split second

Hey guy!My apologies for not posting yesterday. Had some difficulties but here's something for you to think about.I think i posted something similar before but its so important to constantly remind myself  and others,so here i go again.

When i traveled back home last summer, i tried to get together with a lot of people that i'd lost touch with mostly due to time and/or space. I was missing them yes, but also i wanted to get back a part of me that i felt i'd lost since i moved here,compassion/selflessness.

Fine i do have my moments where i can't be bothered with anybody but a friend told me something the other day when i was trying to run away from something by being rude but she said "you're a nice person,and you can't deny who you are." (you're allowed to have your opinion on this one,it's alright). 


Back to the summer story...I found out a very good friend of mind was going through a lot. i feel embarrassed to even say "very good friend" because i had been a horrible example of what friendship is. it was always when i got home that i tried to fit everyone in, get to spend time with them and all that but it wasn't okay. Fine, med school is busy but there's always time to check in

Anyway, it was bad that it affected her health. It really hit me and all i wanted to do was hug her and apologize for not being there. We take so many things for granted,so many people in our lives. Not only her situation but i thought of what all my other friends were going through and i didn't know about it. 


Was it because i didn't care, that i couldn't be bothered? Certainly not! There's no reason i could even begin to make up for not staying in touch. They say the real friendships are those that even when you haven't spoken in a long time, you still hit it off like it hasn't been that long. My question is, what if something happens and you never get to speak to them again?

We all think of others in terms of, "they could get into an accident or something happens that could end their lives but have you ever thought of something happening to you,something that could end your life? I started thinking from both sides and i wanted to do something about it.

I constantly think of my family and friends throughout my day and i'd usually brush it off, and maybe i had been thinking of my friend during that time when she needed an ear. We're a few of us in med school and another close friend of mine says she finds it hard to keep in touch with people because of school and so on, and i totally understand.We understand each other so well we can go for a month without talking and i wont batter her about it. We even have a joke now whenever we close up out chats "i'll speak to you in a month."


The thing is, i believe thoughts and feelings aren't random things that just happen. You don't just think or dream of feel something about a person. Maybe you see something that reminds you of them. I'm not trying to be weird but get in touch with them, send a text, call just don't put if off. Time is a hard thing to manage but a text doesn't mean you're looking for a long chat. It just means you're thinking of them and would like to know if they're doing fine.

This however could go either way. They could be fine or they could be going through something and really need someone to talk to.You can roll your eyes and be annoyed that a short text came back with pouring rain but wont you be glad that you were there, you cared enough, you were that first person that might have saved a life that day. When people get stressed, they get kinda crazy. You never know what they're contemplating to do or how to go about solving a problem.

I'm not suggesting that this happens all the time,or that everyone is suicidal or anything like that, not at all.Its very important to always remind yourself to be selfless, to stop with the busy syndrome, to take a step back, to look at things from a different angle, to think of what could happen in a split second.A split second, for a "hey how're you doing" is enough to get you started. Most people take such texts for granted, but that's not your problem , and you might say well then i wont bother myself but it means so much to someone that feels down and out.

I hope this speaks to all of you readers and you don't put off those feelings and thoughts about someone and you'll pick up your phone to check in. It builds you emotionally among other things and you never know when someone would do the same for you when you need it most.





Thursday, 26 March 2015

Ticket things

Hey guys....this is a quick, short and humble cry for help. I'm trying to save up money to buy my ticket home for the summer to go see my kuku(grandmother). I thought i'd stay and wait until next year but she keeps asking for me so i thought i'd try extra hard to get something together.

I'm taking part  in a selfie competition but i need your help to win. It all depends on how many views and likes i get. Please follow the link below,share and like my selfie,help me get that ticket home please. 


I have an exam coming up but will definitely post something over the weekend.

I appreciate you taking your time to do this. thank you all so much. 


http://www.voubs.com/picture/Selfie/316b037584ab908420632c35becf7a21 

Wednesday, 18 March 2015

...and Amen!

I always think of what i would say given the opportunity to stand before a large crowd of people.I am no expert at public speaker,i do not hide behind paper and pen as some might think either.My thoughts are better calmly brought forth on platforms where i can write instead but i'm in no way hiding,i'll prove it....one day.
Speaking of.., i went to a Christian school, and as such we had daily morning and evening devotions. I was an 8th grader then,still getting to know stuff.Every learner was given a chance or forced as some might call it, to do devotion either in the morning or during the evening. Not everyone is brave enough so even those that have been at the school for a while,still had stage fright. In fact is was so bad they studied just enough to pass really well but not too well because the best were always presented with their reports and gifts of cheap china shop pens and calculators on stage.

I don't recall her name but she was a 12th grader,let's call her Nancy. I was a weird child and befriended the older lot mostly.It was hard to make friends of my age somehow,and today i was thinking of how old it makes me feel that i have a lot of friends that are evidently older.It was her turn to do morning devotion the next day and to reasons unknown to me,Nancy didn't want to and felt she was too old to be in-front of a bunch of school kids who probably never learnt anything from daily biblical readings but who only showed up so as to avoid Mr Nate's(name changed) whipping sessions of late comers . All i know is,she buttered me up so well with praises of "you're not shy,likable and confident...etc etc." Was it lack of self esteem or the boisterous feeling of wanting to prove myself to everyone in me that made me agree? I don't know but i did then i kept changing my mind every hour.Naturally, Nancy had the perfect phrase to put me right back to agreeing..."You're a sweet child of God;"and who doesn't want to be a "SWEET child of God.?!"

Anyway, i practiced in front of a mirror,the whole nine miles a man/woman takes when prepping for a great and impressive pitch to a big client.I'm sure if i knew then, i'd have made a PowerPoint presentation of the few verses i had to read from the bible that morning. It was serious and i took it as such. Of course most of my peers thought i was way to serious about the whole thing and thought i should "chill" that it was easy but the answer was "no" followed with "you're a child of God and not shy" whenever i asked if they'd do it instead.

I made sure i wasn't late, and sat down on one of the  hard wooden chairs in the hall. On that particular Monday morning,the chair felt harder than usual.It was so uncomfortable i alternated a few times from chair to chair. The hall began filling up as learners stormed in and my blood moved alike through my body. I was so nervous and contemplated to just sit there and pretend like i didn't know anything. After all, The blame would be on Nancy. She gladly offered to announce the hymn before bible scripture and as i turned to look at her, she gave me a thumbs up for encouragement or whatever that was and i gave a shy smile back with a deep plea of "don't make me do this" look in my eyes. Nancy wouldn't have it, not now when we had less that 3 minutes to present ourselves before God. It'll be a great abomination on "holy ground," also; everyone knew i was going to do it and i'm sure if nobody stood up they'd all look at me. I took a deep breathe as the hymn came to an end and took one last look at the red rug  that hung on the wall with the scripture "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Matthew 11:28"  hoping to draw some type of strength  as i got up and walked nervously to the front,all eyes on me

I got into it, wasn't bad but then it came to the part where i had to pray out loud. Like i said, i dunno why i felt the need to prove myself to whoever..i don't even know but i could have started on the famous Lord's prayer but i wanted to be different so i said my own prayer...."Thank you Lord for your protection during the night, ask for your blessings during the day and guide us through....ummm...and....ummm.... Amen!"Thank God for my dark skin, i would have been as red as a ripe Italian tomato.I hurried back to my seat and i took a breathe of relief sinking down deep in my seat but of course the nature of a hard wooden  chair doesn't allow much sinking now does it.

The Principal got up and mimicked my prayer "...and Amen!" and the hall burst into fading laughter as he added..."That's a brave one," referring to me.I was just glad it was over, and i'm sure Nancy was as well. I was so glad nobody made fun of me about it. Something happened a day ago that prompted me to write this. It reminded me that in as much as there are good people with good intentions in the world,there are bad people as well and the people that follow them. It was sad to learn that most would feed off of other's misfortunes,mock and laugh at them instead of being supportive. Sadly the instigators of such behavior have a large group of followers and so i asked myself, what would i want to say to a large group of people,who would i want to be? I want to be a motivator,but there's also someone out there telling themselves that they want to be deterrent instead. So i'll do what i have to do and maybe add a little "...and amen!" to it./

P.S. to my fellow O.H.S alumni...you all have very bad memory and no eye for detail.Shame on you!LoooL(they get what i mean). Although they say, one of the keys to happiness is bad memory.


Sunday, 15 March 2015

forced DIYs,the ultimate life hacks for beginners.

I live in A country where most outsiders and maybe some "insiders" associate it with racism among other things. Anyway,i'm not here to talk politics.
The majority of the population and especially in my little town knows nothing about dealing with my type of hair.

I'm the only girl from my country here. There are other African girls around but as much as it might be hard to believe, we're quite different even if we all come from the great African continent.Just because i am willing to be helpful it doesn't mean others would.I expected or rather wanted us to be a family,to carry each other but maybe i'm just a loner.

I know a few Syrian students that couldn't go back home because of the war so even after they completed university they had to stay. One thing though that I've learnt from all Arabic speakers here regardless of what country they're from, they stick together.
They cook together and sit down on the floor with food on one big plate and with each one with a spoon in hand dig in and share not only the food but the company and love that comes with it,"my people" usually share some drinks and an exchange of insults after some time when the vodka starts to kick in.(I'm not judging, this is simply my observation).this is usually the end of an evening that started off with "good intention."



Anyway, getting back to the story. I had dreadlocks and could do it all on my own. My hairline started receding so i got rid of them.After that,i had nobody to help me of course.It was a mess  but my group mates thought it was cool ad always wanted to touch my hair. Told them i'd start charging each a ruble if they didn't stop.(might as well make some money off of it).

It got to the point where i needed to beg people to help me do my hair, and maybe it's pride but i wouldn't let myself do it, not after asking nicely but always seemed to get excuses.Am i the only one that believes it's alright to say no? Then again you can't blame people for being that way because the rest of the  world gets back at you when you say no.

Thank God for Youtube and all the lovely ladies that take their time to do their hair online for the rest of us.I learnt to do my own hair in front of a broken mirror. In fact, i shocked myself so much that i got a bit obsessed that i'd loosen it for fun just to redo it.
It wasn't bad at all.
Let's just say, i wasn't the only one that was shocked by my recent life hack( i found a way out that worked for me without hustling someone to help me) well Youtube maybe but well...all i had to do was search stuff.  I haven't mastered box braids but i'm getting there.(secretly, i'm not comfortable with people touching my hair especially when they have no idea what they're doing) and no i'm not here complaining,i'm sharing my "situation forced do it yourself."

This year was definitely meant for some sort of independence for me. In my mind i always wished i was more self-dependent and to a certain extend thought i was.Wrote about it in a few of my previous posts too but in reality it wasn't as easy. My pride was definitely put to some good use this time. 

It's so much easier living this way i must say. When i'm faced with a problem, i don't panic anymore but automatically already start thinking of how i can solve it. It shocked me,showed me that there's so much potential in all of us and hard times are really that friend that pushes you to jump off the cliff and discover you're a beautiful bird with wings as big as an eagle's.

Been trying to grow up and maybe i was in a rush, but it's happening.Not that this defines the meaning of growing up but to me it is. Now i get it when they same "motherly instinct" kicks in when a mother gives birth even when they had no idea on how to raise a baby.


Start with the little things and jot them down,stick up a list somewhere where you can see it everyday. It's so much more encouraging when you track your progress. If we can't change the difficulties of life upfront, let's hack them to pieces because sometimes, smaller is better to manage.This was a whole new way to start doing so much more for myself, by myself.

Go on, jump...watch as your beautiful wings unfold into something beautiful.

Monday, 9 March 2015

New life.

Someone once said there are 3 reasons why people change:
1.They have learnt a lot.
2.They have suffered a lot.
3. They got tired of the same this,always. In my own case, i think after all that time off the blog it's safe to say, i will take all 3 reasons.

Hey all,I've been super busy with school and as time passes with only one more year to go in med-school, things are getting more hectic.Plus, i'm getting very nervous about my first day and making sure  i have  my stuff together.

I've  realized though that writing keeps me sane as i always say but seem to forget.Been writing in my journals mostly but i missed sharing and i hope you are ready for all the things I have to say. 

I'm committing to posting at least once a week from now on. Can't say I have stuff to say all the time and that's why things are going to change a  bit. in short, breathing new life into it.So let's get ready for the new bloom.

There's  going to  be something for everybody,from my devoted readers who have been with me from the time i started writing, fashion lovers , life hackers (i'll explain incoming posts...keep reading) med-lovers, foodies(yes! we love food) spiritual travelers  and the curious hearts. 

This is just an introduction for the changes to come.I figured i'd just do it instead of apologizing every time i get overwhelmed with work but do  forgive me please.It's not fair on you guys and really i do appreciate all the views and comments so this time i really owe you a lot to snuggle up on.

I hope you're all as excited as i am.

Do follow me on Instagram: https://instagram.com/browney_en/

xoxo